Before we conclude the causes and cure of low libido, kindly
note that it has been found that low libido in men is a
much more common complaint. Men who have a reduced sex
drive don’t want to talk about it, and the wives don’t want
to talk about it either. The wife is afraid that if she says
much about it, people will think that her husband is either
gay, or she’s a ‘bad lady.’ She also fears that people will
say she is unattractive to stir her husband’s passions. And
many husbands have the myth that they’re supposed to
want it all the time, anywhere, but this is the time and age
of high information. You either see a sex therapist or a
neurologist or a medical practitioner for help.
Couples need not feel they have to have sex a certain
number of times a week to have a good sex life. The best
and biggest low libido remedy is just do it. Once the more
obvious causes for a man’s low libido have been identified
and eliminated, couples must often work through
differences in their relationship to arrive at a solution.
When your wife is interested, just do it, this has cured a lot
of low libido cases.
For couples who have been together longer, anger often
stands in the way of one or both partners’ sex drive. By not
dealing with marital anger immediately, it can be a big
leading cause of low libido. One possible solution is some
long, honest talks. Ideally, couples should have sex about
thrice a week but assigning a number to normal frequency
of sex may not work for some couples considering their
temperament, age, health stability, nature of work,
general belief and the type of marriage relationship they
operate in. And couples should always do what they are
happy about and always think about how happy the person
next to you is in bed.
But it is very paramount to note that the loss of oestrogen
and testosterone following menopause can lead to changes
in a woman’s body and sexual drive. Some categories of
women in menopausal and postmenopausal may notice that
they’re not as easily aroused, and they may be less
sensitive to touching and stroking. That can lead to less
interest in sex. Also, lower levels of oestrogen can cause a
drop in blood supply to the vagina. That can affect vaginal
lubrication, causing the vagina to be too dry for
comfortable sex — but there’s help for that. Menopause
does not lower sex drive in all women. Rather, many
postmenopausal women say they’ve got an improved sex
drive. That may be due to less anxiety linked to a fear of
pregnancy. Also, many postmenopausal women often have
fewer child-rearing responsibilities, allowing them to relax
and enjoy intimacy with their husbands.
But for some women who do not want sex during
menopause, it is still advisable to still take time for
intimacy. You can still show your husband love and
affection without having sex. Enjoy your time together:
take walks, eat dinner out, or give each other back rubs.
This gradually leads to good sex. And to improve your
physical intimacy, you can consider experimenting with
erotic videos or books, and changes to sexual routines. Use
distraction techniques to boost relaxation and ease anxiety.
These can include erotic or non-erotic fantasies, exercises
with sex, and music, videos, or television. Have fun with
foreplay, such as sensual massage or oral sex. These
activities can make you feel more comfortable and improve
communication between you and your husband. Minimise
any pain you might have by using sexual positions that allow
you to control the depth of penetration. You may also want
to take a warm bath before sex to help you relax, and use
vaginal lubricants to help ease pain caused by friction. Tell
your husband what’s comfortable and what’s not.
It is needful for both husband and wife suffering from low
libido to always try to focus on the last time they had real
good passionate earth-shaking sex together. Taking just
five minutes out of your busy day to replay the specifics of
your last really great sexual encounter will whet your
appetite and instantly increase your libido. One of the
reasons many wives lose their libido is when they constantly
compare their bodies’ configuration with some unrealistic
body ideals; you will definitely feel unsexy. Remember
some of those body types are un-attainable; they are
artificial in most cases and yours is just very natural and
fine.
A leading cause of loss of sexual interest and drive is the
constant bombardment of old night wears both from the
man and the woman. So, buy new under things. Throw away
those ripped, faded, you’ve-had-them-for-four-years
granny panties and invest in some new underwear. The
sexier, the better new bikinis, boy shorts, or even basic briefs
can make you feel special.
Never forget to stop worrying. When you’re focused on
worry, the last thing on your mind is feeling sexy. Husband
in particular should see the bedroom as for three things:
friendship arena, sleep and sex. TV, iPhone, laptop etc are
life’s distractions, they reduce friend-shipness, reduce
hugs and keep you from being fully in touch with real life,
never mind anyone else and reduce sex drive. When this
persists, low libido sets in practically. Stay in a room
without these gadgets for one year, you will notice that
your sex drive will improve; your libido will be high all
because you are friendlier, communicate better, cuddle
frequently and have sex often. And if you can exist without
them, try to unplug for a few minutes each day so you can
plug in to what’s important, your marriage relationship.
Focus on just one activity— just gisting together. Tuning out
from the world helps make you a priority, which in turn
reminds you just how lovable you are.
Nothing kills sensuality, sexuality and sex drive than a room
full of baby stuff: toys, diaper bags and crayon-drawn
art. Have a space in your house that’s for daddy and
mummy only, so you can focus on yourselves. This room
should have nothing kid-oriented in it. No toys, no pictures
of their adorable faces. It should be an environment for
you as lovers, sweethearts instead of mom and dad’s room.
No! It’s better captioned with a more erotic name such as
the greatest sweethearts’ room.
Both husband and wife should have a positive mental
attitude and keep their stress level low. If you feel good
and self-confident, you may feel more sexual and
attractive to your spouse. Remember, prolonged stress can
lead to a diminished interest in sex.
Consider special foods and supplements that claim to
increase libido in man and woman. Natural supplements
can help increase blood flow and sometimes help fight
vaginal dryness. Some natural supplements that may
increase libido include: vitamin, zinc, vitamin C, arginine,
vitamin A, vitamin C, Beta-carotene, vitamin B6, and
vitamin B complex. These nutrients may help to boost sperm
count, improve sperm motility, enhance prostate gland
function, increase testosterone production and create a
healthier nervous system. Some foods that may increase
libido include: Celery, raw oysters, bananas, avocado, nuts,
mangoes, peaches, strawberries, eggs, liver, figs, garlic,
pumpkin and chocolate. Certain foods and natural
supplements such as these may add much needed nutrients
and minerals to your diet, but they are unlikely to make a
bigger impact on your sex drive and sexual performance.
Questions and Answers
Money issues getting in the way
My husband and I have separate bank accounts. This did
not bother me initially, because we agreed that we should
combine our finances. But now, I make more money than
him; and when it is time for both of us to pay for any
purchase, his decision is getting to be a drag on our
relationship. He spends money anyhow and I am not very
comfortable with this. This has killed our sex desire for each
other. As a matter of fact, I only hear of my husband’s
hyper high libido among the girls around rather than with
me. Should I just accept things as they are or keep trying to
combine our money?
Hope you are not making it so obvious that he who pays the
piper dictates the tune. The man may be poor but most of
our husbands read in-between the lines; so kindly ask for
wisdom on how to handle this dicey issue. Then also in most
cases, one person will handle the bills and keep track of the
finances. If you two are paying separate bills and
expenses, it is easy to lose control of your spending. The
best remedy is to set up three checking accounts. The first
is the main account to pay all the household bills. Determine
how much each of you will deposit into this account from
your pay cheques. Even when his own contribution is a kobo,
let him put something down. The other two accounts are the
ones you are currently using. Instead of paying bills with
those accounts, use them for miscellaneous items you spend
money on. Make sure you keep enough money in them so you
do not have to dip into your joint household account.
If your husband procrastinates on opening the main
account, then you take the initiative, go to your bank, and
begin the process. Then make a list of all the bills you will
pay through this account; do all you can to get the support
of your husband because success in life requires being
smart.
‘My wife is about leaving’
I am one of your ardent readers. I have a pressing problem
that is about to scatter my marriage of three years. I do
have quick ejaculation and I cannot go more than one
round of sex. My wife is about walking out of our marriage.
Kindly tell me what drugs to use to win her back.
Mr. Sunrise Hormalu
‘I lost four girls to premature ejaculation’
I lost four girls that I would have married to premature
ejaculation. I hardly read newspapers except for sports. I
stumbled on your third series on premature ejaculation
which you published in the Saturday Punch of August 16th
2008. I almost shed tears because my case is very critical. I
call it ‘pre-premature ejaculation.’ I ejaculate 10 seconds
immediately after penetration. At times while fixing
condoms, I will ejaculate with the condom half fixed. I feel
very disappointed each time it happens, so I have decided
not to get married until I have found a solution because of
the shame and frustration. Please ma, kindly help me out.
I do not want to have any problem with my marital life.
Mr. Psalms
Victor
Is it true?
Since having our two children, my husband and I have lost
our sex drives and have mutually agreed sex is no longer
important. Is there anything wrong with this?
Umman Uyimere
If you are both being honest, I see nothing wrong with your
chastity agreement. Keep your options open, however, since
sexual interest varies throughout seasons of life. Having
children can certainly impact your sexual interests. The
fatigue alone could ruin your romance. Worries of having
another baby or being unable to support your family’s needs
may also contribute. If there are underlying conflicts about
your sexual intimacy, investigate those.
My major concern is that sexual intimacy and physical
pleasure are significant parts of human needs. Denying
their expression may cause either or both of you to become
susceptible to outside sexual attractions. Keep a close watch
on your hearts and model physical affection for your
children. Good family planning will also help.
…………………………………………………………………………………………
Master and Johnson Tips
1. Relax and make sure you are free from distractions.
This is not a good time to try fixing your mind on non-
sexual issues, in order not to ejaculate. Concentrate.
2. You and your partner can engage in foreplay, for you
to get aroused.
3. Signal your partner when you are about to ejaculate.
4. At that point, she should stop stimulating you and apply
firm but gentle pressure at the point where the head
meets the shaft of the male organ.
5. The pressure can be applied for about 15 seconds.
6. She should then let go and you can both rest for 30
seconds before repeating the technique.
Kegel’s PC Exercise Tips
1. Urinate before the exercise and do not do the exercise
while urinating. This is not advisable. However, you can
use urination to locate the muscles as described in the
main article.
2. Squeeze your PC muscles shut as tightly as you can and
hold them for like 10 seconds.
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