1.
Listen. Listening is one of the most powerful action steps that you can
take toward resolving any kind of relationship/marriage problem,
including making up. When your spouse is upset, listen to any continued
attacks without defending or counterattacking. This should prevent
another argument flare up. Just listen. Don’t try to calm, don’t try to
reason. Listen.. Let him or her get it all out. Put your hand on your
mouth if you need to stop yourself from talking when you are listening.
2.
Know the real cause of the argument. It may look like you're fighting
about money, sex, or something else, but there's usually some feeling
underneath that hasn't been fully expressed, maybe even something you
had not realized you were feeling. Identifying the root feeling can help
you calm down and make up with your partner.
Telling
your partner something like "I feel scared when I see you talking to
other girls," or "I feel angry I don't have the money to pay for this
right now" allows you to get to the main issue and often helps him or
her to understand your feelings without arguing about it.
3.
Take responsibility. If you can find a way to own up to your part in
the argument, without trying to blame or wrong yourself or your partner
for it, it will definitely open up a whole new dialogue.
4.
Humble yourself. Really, If you can apologize for something you did,
even if you didn't start it.. it can disarm your partner and result in
him or her apologizing as well. Something like, "I never wanted this to
go this way, and I'm so sorry it has. Can we pretend like nothing ever
happened?
WARNING: Don't apologize for things you didn't do just so the fight will be over. Be sincere.
5.
Let your partner learn in his or her own way. If you're expecting an
apology, and your partner isn't giving it, try to openly forgive him or
her anyway. This kind of acceptance might show that you accept your
partner's imperfections, which can help him or her be less defensive.
6.
Appreciate your partner. The sooner you two can experience some form of
joy and carefreeness, the better. Notice and express the things that
you really like about your partner and yourself. Its gonna go a long way
in strengthening the love you share.
7.
Finally, When things are going well, talk to your spouse about the way
that you both fight and your desire to find a better way to work on
differences. If things have progressed to the point where it is just not
possible to even talk about these things with your spouse, then it’s
time for some professional help. Regardless of who is right or wrong,
don’t let fighting end your relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment